The Trouble with Looking Back

Now the Lord had said to Abram:

"Get out of your country, 

From Your family, 

And from your Father's house, 

To a land I will show you.

I will make you a great nation;

I will bless you

And make your name great;

And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you, 

And I will curse those you curse you;

And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed."

These days I've been looking back a lot. I've been thinking on the past. Who would ever think that a season of life could become a crutch? But, He said it there to me at the sink, in the midst of the messy everyday, hands covered in soapy grace, "You can NEVER be who you ARE, if you cling to who you WERE."

Side Note: It's hilarious that my most profound thoughts happen at the sink… I guess it's my homemade version of the brazen laver, except mine's stainless steel, and crusty with food.. But God can speak whenever or wherever He wants to… *wink* No the matter, I'm listening, Lord.

Where was I?? Oh yeah, the words that dropped in me like a pebble, but that created quite a ripple in my spirit.

Simple instruction to just let go of the past, and not look back. That 's proving to be harder than it sounds. I'm learning that it's only in the uncomfortable place of now, that  you long for comfort of then. They say hindsight is 20/20. Man, are they right. Who wouldn't want to look back on the places they've been and marvel?

But, who knew that it would be so difficult to not "cling to" the person I was, in all of her glory, in the remembering? Littered with moments of greatness revealed, and many places of wonder, filled with the thrill of adventure and unknown. I remember the feeling of anticipation that filled my heart many a day… "God's going to do something great in me, I just know it"…

Wow. Good times. Thank you Jesus. But, that was then…

Now, don't get me wrong. It’s not that I think that God's finished with His majestic work in me.  On the contrary, I see a new horizon appearing in front of me, and I am eager to see all that God has in this season. But, it's just that… to see this life and season as the unfolding grace gift that it is, I MUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT. That's why it's called the present, right?

So, the new heart song I'm singing: "God IS doing something great in AND THROUGH me, today."

Three simple words - USE.  ME. LORD. Though, tethered to a heart full of other emotions and thoughts and songs, the foundation is the same.  USE. ME. LORD.

And I believe He IS.

With each day, the Lord is reminding me that I AM MORE than just Tater, Stephie & Mia's mom (although, on most days, that's all consuming) -- but I AM HIS DAUGHTER. And that is INFINITELY more weighty than even the glory that comes with motherhood.

I get the unique opportunity, as a King's daughter, to stand bearing I AM within me.

Just let that sink in.

I AM LIVES WITHIN.

Who are you, doubt, fear, confusion, to seek refuge in a place where I AM makes HIS abode? Two words for you.

NO. VACANCY.

So, as I press my ear to the Father's heart today, I hear His voice...

 "Come to me. It is well.  You are destined for greatness, because I AM great, and I AM within you. You bear My Glory. You are Mine. Walk in Me, today, daughter. In My Presence, your joy is made full. Stay close."

Why Mutiny can be holy...

Why did it bother me so, when he walked up and said, "Hey Skipper", and rightly so, addressing the title and authority she had been given? How did those words make their way into my ears, and assault my heart?

Then the inward whisper..."You know that means you're NOT the skipper."

Why all of a sudden, am I fighting an onslaught of attacks against a place of ministry (not leadership) where I was invited to stand, even for a moment?

You know God isn't the only one who speaks with a still, small voice. 

My first thoughts were, "I never said I was."

****

For as long as I can remember, there has been this voice, audible or otherwise, that has shoved its way into a front row seat for any place of promotion or blessing in my life.  The voice that screams insults at the glory of God…

Are you sure you're supposed to be here? You know that you'll never BE ANYONE worth listening to, right? You're not holy enough to be here. Who do you think you are? 

Call it the enemy, call it flesh… whomever the intruder might be, this I know… that day, my peace was under attack. And not just that… my place in the Kingdom.

Why the fight against who we are, who God has designed us to be? And is our flesh working in conjunction with the enemy of our soul?  Yes… and yes. Some days I have to remind myself that this walk is a HOLY MUTINY against the forces that wage war against me.

But, the only thing that keeps me going when Goliath taunts, is the truth that place is IN CHRIST. And my God given, and strengthened weapon is the Word. My testimony. Christ in Me, my hope of glory.

It's in these places that I am comforted by the One who promised that He has made an abiding place for me IN HIM.  In Him, I find rest and peace. In Him, I find the invitation to walk alongside. It's Him I desire to follow.

No matter what anyone else tells me is "IN ME", only God knows my makeup, for He alone created me. And He alone has anointed me to be the woman I am. He alone reveals His glory inside with each new day, and if I am washed in the blood of His Son, then He IS PLEASED WITH ME. Period.

So, today, I am thankful that God opens and closes doors that no man (or flesh, or the enemy of souls) can close or open. He alone is in charge of the changing of seasons. And in HIM, I sing:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
And ALL that is within me
Bless His holy name. 


Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death. 

What about you? Has your identity ever been verbally assaulted, and you lived to tell the tale? How have you overcome?




photo stevenolver

The Best Place

 Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed. Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God? Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

John 6:27-29 

Father,
Today, I'm thankful, Lord that You know the Best Place for me. Thank you for showing me that IN You, is the best place I could be, and the best place for me, no matter where else I am in my life.

Whether days are ordinary or glorious, they are all grace to me, and gifts, treasures to be opened. Oh, that I would seize each day, finding joy in even the small, seemingly insignificant moments.

I am thankful that you know what's best for me, and Your best is ALWAYS best.

Even when I question it.

Even when I walk away from You.

Even in the hardest of times.

Even when I stumble, allowing my flesh or sin to get the best of me.

Your best is still present. Even there.

Thank you for helping me see that Your best is not always fun, but IT IS always beautiful. The prodigal son eating pig slop, as he comes to himself… Best. Beautiful. It's not where he wants to be. Where he thinks he should be. But, it's BEST. And it brings redemption.

Thank you for the hard best places. The valley where death casts it's shadow. Where death is present. Even there is beautiful. And one of your best places. Because You promise that you will lead me into paths of righteousness for the sake of Your Name in me. To polish the the seal in my forehead. To make me look like you.


Even in the hard places, Make my feet like the feet of a deer. Enable and empower me to stand on the high places. The hard places.

Help me always to see the BEAUTIFUL & BEST.

Amen.

{photo credit}

Two ARE Better...

Okay… it's confession time.

It's been 8 days since my last post. I know, I know. I didn't say I was the MOST consistent person on the planet.  *wink*

One would think that for someone who is trying to break into the "blog-o-sphere", an 8 day writing vacation would not be the smartest way to do it.

Thankfully for me, that's NOT what this call to blog is about. What this IS about is an intentional unveiling of the "skin" I wear on a daily basis, that keeps me separated from the community God has placed around me. The daily choice to connect myself "again" with others. To be a part of the wall. Because honestly, we are ALL a part of the Wall. And, we all have others God has placed around us to encourage us, and keep us sharp.

Case in point: Yesterday, I was approached by one such "wall woman", who gently rebuked me for taking an 8 day leave of absence from writing, because she was intentional on reading my thoughts everyday, and was missing them.

She reminded me that what I have to say is important, and that even on the days when nothing is leaping from my heart to the page, the connection between myself and others MUST TAKE PLACE no matter what my life looks like, or the distractions that may pull.

I was reading a post from http://www.incourage.me the other day, and here's what jumped out at me:


"I used to think I needed to be more before I could do more.

This is a lie.

God wants you today, right where you are, with what you have. He isn't waiting for you to clean up your mess before you say yes.

Your yes matters. And the best part is size doesn't matter. Your small yes to God is enough." 

~Kristen Welch (www.wearethatfamily.com)


Man, that hit me like a ton of bricks. My yes, even a small yes, is enough to change my whole world.

So… today, I'm saying YES. Again... yes. Yes to the call to be transparent. Because that's what this is REALLY all about. It's God's way of showing me that NO one person has it all together (although us ladies try hard sometimes to do just that) and that He NEVER meant for any person to be an island.


And, today, I am saying THANK YOU. Thank you to the WALL of women who have allowed me into their lives, to call me friend. Sister. You know who you are. You, who are courageous enough to look past the "rough" places in me, and get to know me. You, who have learned that the "tough" that others see is just a protective layer, and that a truly malleable heart lies within.

I am truly thankful for the encouragement God has placed in my life because of You. You lift me up. You keep me sharp. You challenge me to live as He has called me to live, and not succumb to what this world says I should look or act like. You have been INVALUABLE to me.

So, for all of the wonder you bring to my life, and this world, I count YOU as gifts. I truly would not be who I am today without you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.

Bread and Wine Explained...

The other day, I mentioned that I would elaborate a little more about daily bread and wine. And today, I'd like to do just that. The few scriptures below have seemingly intermingled themselves in ways I would have never thought to use them before, and it has given light to my eyes.  While I cannot promise that it isn't a bit jangled together, my hope is that you'll see a nugget or two and respond to Father's invitation to the feast.

Exodus 29:11 Then slaughter the bull in the Lord’s presence at the entrance of the Tabernacle. (part sin offering - part consecration for Aaron & sons as priests)

 29:33 They alone (the priests) may eat the meat and bread used for their purification in the ordination ceremony. No one else may eat them, for these things are set apart and holy. 

Exodus 29:42 “These burnt offerings (ram, unleavened bread, and wine) are to be made each day from generation to generation. Offer them in the Lord’s presence at the Tabernacle entrance; there I will meet with you and speak with you.

Matthew 26:26-28 As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “Take this and eat it, for this is my body.” 27 And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, “Each of you drink from it, 28 for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.

Proverbs 9:4-6 “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment, she says, 5“Come, eat my food, and drink the wine I have mixed. 6 Leave your simple ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.”

 Is it just me, or do these all seem connected?  They just happened to be the selections chosen as part of my daily bible reading plan a few days ago. I don't know why it never occurred to me that the priests had to offer bread and wine along with the daily offering (the ram) to the Lord. But, it was God's way (at that point) to reconnect Israel with Himself. Also, until a few days ago, I had read over the fact that only Aaron and his sons were allowed to eat the bread and wine used for their purification. That hit me like a rock.

Then, in Matthew's account of the last supper, I saw the same the New Testament version of this daily sacrifice. Jesus (the lamb slain from the foundation of the earth) presents His body and Blood as the bread and wine. One last bread and wine offering for ALL MANKIND. I feel the need to say, "Selah" here. Just let that sink in. Contemplate. Interlude... Wow.

He says simply "Take and eat" of the bread, and then "Each of you drink from it". What's great here is that each of us, not just the priests, now have permission eat and drink freely the bread and wine that purifies us from all uncleanness, and confirms our covenant with Father. No further mediator necessary. Again... Selah...

Going further, that bread and blood is available on a daily basis for finding wisdom. Remember the recent post about wisdom, who was present at the earth's beginnings? This really sounds like Jesus to me. Wisdom speaks in Proverbs 9: 5-6, "Come, eat my food, and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment." Wisdom promises that if we will eat her food, and drink her wine, then we can begin to really live.

It also brings to mind Jesus's declaration in John 6:53-57 "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life within you. But anyone who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise that person at the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Anyone who eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. I live because of the living Father who sent me; in the same way, anyone who feeds on me will live because of me."

So, simply put… Jesus is Life. Jesus is Wisdom. Anyone who eats the bread of Life and drinks His wine will find wisdom and eternal life. My reply to His calling to dine? Two words. Yes, please.

Wisdom Has A Voice

She's standing in all the right places, right where she can get to us. She wants to be sure we can hear her. She positions herself on the hilltops. She walks alongside us as we traverse this life. She takes her stand at the many crossroads we encounter. Makes her home by the gates which lead into anywhere our feet could carry us, and she cries aloud...  Listen close. Can you hear her?

“I call to you, to all of you! I raise my voice to all people.

You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding.

Listen to me! 

For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth

and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome.

There is nothing devious or crooked in it.

My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge.

Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold.

For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it.

“I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.

All who fear the Lord will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance,

corruption and perverse speech. 

Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine.

Because of me, kings reign, and rulers make just decrees.

Rulers lead with my help, and nobles make righteous judgments.

“I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me.

I have riches and honor, as well as enduring wealth and justice.

My gifts are better than gold, even the purest gold, my wages better than sterling silver!

I walk in righteousness, in paths of justice. Those who love me inherit wealth. I will fill their treasuries.

“The Lord formed me from the beginning, before he created anything else.

I was appointed in ages past,  at the very first, before the earth began.

I was born before the oceans were created, before the springs bubbled forth their waters.

Before the mountains were formed, before the hills, I was born—

before he had made the earth and fields and the first handfuls of soil.

I was there when he established the heavens, when he drew the horizon on the oceans.

I was there when he set the clouds above, when he established springs deep in the earth.

I was there when he set the limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries.

And when he marked off the earth’s foundations, I was the architect at his side.

I was his constant delight, rejoicing always in his presence.

And how happy I was with the world he created; how I rejoiced with the human family!

“And so, my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful.

Listen to my instruction and be wise. Don’t ignore it.

Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, 

waiting for me outside my home! 

For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.

But those who miss me injure themselves. 

All who hate me love death.”

Proverbs 8:4-36

This year, I am challenging myself to a daily portion of bread and wine. Hopefully, in the next few days, I will be able to expound a little more on what I mean. For now, I'll just give a quick plug to the "Bible In A Year" reading plan on www.bible.com Their free smartphone app is the most popular, which I have also, but I prefer to use their online version, so I can have my bible (the BOOK... LOL - it's hilarious that I need to clarify) close by for study. All in all, it's a pretty handy tool. And, this chick loves her tools.

Grace For Today...

Matthew 25:29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 

Psalm 31:2 Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe.

Proverbs 8:22 "The Lord formed me (wisdom) from the beginning, before he created anything else." - Italics added for clarity

It's been one of those weeks. Ya know, when, you feel completely overwhelmed? Yesterday's post by Ann Voskamp was like chocolate for the soul. Most of her posts resonate so clearly within me. I am thankful for her insight. If you ever get a chance, stop by her blog at www.aholyexperience.com, and read along. Jesus Wisdom spills forth in every post.

Yesterday's encouragement were thoughts on "How to get through what's burying you." And the answer was simple. Grace. God's grace heaped upon grace is the only thing that sustains our mounting heaps of whatever may weigh us down. 

For me, this week, was planning what turned out to be an uneventful trip to Birmingham, for Stephanie. Add to that the laundry list of chores (including laundry, ironically), and "Oh, you forgot to blog", and don't forget that there are three other doctor's appointments  this week, and "we really need more milk?", and the list goes on and on.

But, something she said really resonated within me. She was using  this amazing snow artist for an example, (Simon Beck - if you haven't seen his work, check it out, it's AMAZING) and how he doesn't care that all of his effort will be blown away by the next gust of wind. That he understands that all of his effort is just for the moment. But why bother if it could be gone the next day?

And then, profound words…

Because there will more grace given tomorrow.  

For more. Always more coming.   

There will be more meals to cook tomorrow. More dishes, more laundry. You’re going to have pick up coats and boots and papers and books all over again tomorrow. You can still make art with everyday fallen grace. You can still create art knowing it’ll be gone the very next day.   

Because there will more grace given tomorrow. To make more. Always more grace coming.  

Grace upon grace. 

When these words hit my heart, it was like God shined a spotlight on my heart. And I see:

• I have a tendency to idolize my daily routine, calling it something that should be respected. Which is really prideful.

• I allow the "laundry list" overwhelm my thoughts, instead of placing it under the rule of my spirit, which is filled everyday with new grace for today, and everything I need to "exist" today on this earth.

• I don't say thank you for the seemingly little things, and allow Father's joy and peace to flood my day. Which is why I'm learning to count gifts..

Believe it or not, confessing our faults can be liberating. God knows that, which is why he said to do it.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Who knew releasing today (and each day) into the hands of a loving Father would be so hard? But, that's where I am. Wow.

The truth is, there are only 24 hours in a day. And how I spend that 24 hours can be viewed in 2 ways:

•  I can turn the hourglass upside down, counting the hours until the day is complete, whizzing by all of the beauty woven into it.

OR

• I can see the hourglass as it is. As Father has designed it to be. 24 hours of grace. Grace for today, and anything that comes with today, there's grace.

So, who cares if there will be another day of craziness tomorrow. Today, I will choose to wear "grace upon grace". Today's grace is all that matters, and it's more than enough for me.

When I get where I'm going...

"Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil."  

Proverbs 4:24-27

I have been guilty of wresting your Word, Lord. And I don't want to anymore. I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be pleasing to you.

Help me to see that you have ordered my path, and find never ending joy as I discover the things that you have planned for me in the walking out of this path that is life. 

When I committed to this writing journey, my intention wasn't to be funny, or to tell a story, or even to present an "image of myself" that others could admire. It was to intentionally tear down the walls I build around myself on a daily basis. To choose not to be an island. To live in community. To share Joy.

Why? Because you created community. And on the paths you've ordained for me, I NEVER walk alone. Even, when I feel like it's just me, there's always You. You never leave. I'm thankful for that.

So, today I'm pondering the paths of my feet, wondering why it has taken me so long to to admit that it's okay to be loud, and evangelistic, and unwavering. Qualities that make up who I am as a person. But, there are times when even loud people need to find quiet, when even the passionately persuasive need to listen to another perspective, and when the unwavering need the ability to be flexible.

The paths of my feet are ordered by You, and You delight in my way. You delight in the steps you've planned for me. Even the hard places. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. even in this place, You help me remember that, though death is present, it's Your light that casts a shadow, and who ever said that death in the light of Your presence was a bad thing? After all, if any man would see Your face, he must die. 

So let me die... as I walk with You, the Shepherd of my Soul, let me die to the earthly bonds that seek to be my counselors. Let me hear only Your voice saying, "This is the way, Walk in it." I am the Way. Walk in Me. 

So, today I remember. I walk with you... in You. 

A Joy-filled Heart

It's only mid-January, and my year has already been an eventful one. Only because yesterday was the first of the many Master Plan bible studies scheduled for 2014. And, oh the challenge that comes with allowing words of Jesus to shape you from the inside out. This year should prove to be life-changing.

Among those that have challenged my heart, and my very lifestyle as a child of God are the red words which call me to a life of JOY, no matter what presses me from the outside.

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." - John 15:11 emphasis added

 There it is. Those words that shout His intention for the condition of my heart. But, is it possible to find joy amidst the piles of unfolded laundry? In a house that's "not nearly clean enough" (a story for another time...)? In the busy-ness that meets me as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning? Dare I say yes? Yes. Lord, please.

It's in these places that I am reminded that it's not even MY joy that I house, it's HIS. The Joy of Jesus. And further, His Word is what fuels HIS JOY inside me. What a gift. That in the midst of this life, in what I often see as overwhelming (and even disappointing at times), He speaks and creates joy that can fill a soul.

Father, 

   Forgive me for foolishly believing that Joy comes by any other means

than by Your Word. Open my ears to hear You speaking, and cause my heart to 

to open the JOY that fills every moment.

Thank you for Joy, Lord.

Amen.

Why Tempered?

I remember the day that the prayer flowed over my lips, during a morning worship service... "Temper Me, Lord. Temper Me." What exactly was I asking for?

Have you ever done that? Let a prayer escape only to leave you in wonder? I know I have... many times before, and this would be no different. I knew the moment I heard my voice utter those words, that a season of tempering would be on it's way soon enough.

I looked it up today. It seems that "tempering" is a process used to toughen up metal after it's hardened. I looked up the difference, and toughness speaks to the metal's ability to absorb energy, change shape, without fracturing. It increases the metal's malleability and decreases brittleness. I don't have to be a metallurgy expert to see the spiritual implications in that.

You see, I ran into this blog several months ago, and it seemed as though that momma of six was speaking right to me, that EVERY blog was for me. You see, she spends her life for her children, and pours out the heart of God, teaching all who will listen the art of giving thanks. Ah, the thankful life... eucharisteo.

Since then, the challenge to live thankful has stayed with me, as I attempted to begin counting the gifts of grace I found in everyday life, in what would otherwise seem mundane. And, while I cannot say that it has made me perfect, (not even close...) I can say that it has given me confidence concerning my Father, and the courage to live slowly in this very fast paced world. To quote her, "Life IS NOT an Emergency. It's a GIFT."

So... this year, I have set out to count 1,000 gifts, (I am only one of MANY MANY individuals who have joined in the thankful chorus) and it is my hope that any who read will be encouraged by the words and treasures I share within these pages.