The Trouble with Looking Back

Now the Lord had said to Abram:

"Get out of your country, 

From Your family, 

And from your Father's house, 

To a land I will show you.

I will make you a great nation;

I will bless you

And make your name great;

And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you, 

And I will curse those you curse you;

And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed."

These days I've been looking back a lot. I've been thinking on the past. Who would ever think that a season of life could become a crutch? But, He said it there to me at the sink, in the midst of the messy everyday, hands covered in soapy grace, "You can NEVER be who you ARE, if you cling to who you WERE."

Side Note: It's hilarious that my most profound thoughts happen at the sink… I guess it's my homemade version of the brazen laver, except mine's stainless steel, and crusty with food.. But God can speak whenever or wherever He wants to… *wink* No the matter, I'm listening, Lord.

Where was I?? Oh yeah, the words that dropped in me like a pebble, but that created quite a ripple in my spirit.

Simple instruction to just let go of the past, and not look back. That 's proving to be harder than it sounds. I'm learning that it's only in the uncomfortable place of now, that  you long for comfort of then. They say hindsight is 20/20. Man, are they right. Who wouldn't want to look back on the places they've been and marvel?

But, who knew that it would be so difficult to not "cling to" the person I was, in all of her glory, in the remembering? Littered with moments of greatness revealed, and many places of wonder, filled with the thrill of adventure and unknown. I remember the feeling of anticipation that filled my heart many a day… "God's going to do something great in me, I just know it"…

Wow. Good times. Thank you Jesus. But, that was then…

Now, don't get me wrong. It’s not that I think that God's finished with His majestic work in me.  On the contrary, I see a new horizon appearing in front of me, and I am eager to see all that God has in this season. But, it's just that… to see this life and season as the unfolding grace gift that it is, I MUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT. That's why it's called the present, right?

So, the new heart song I'm singing: "God IS doing something great in AND THROUGH me, today."

Three simple words - USE.  ME. LORD. Though, tethered to a heart full of other emotions and thoughts and songs, the foundation is the same.  USE. ME. LORD.

And I believe He IS.

With each day, the Lord is reminding me that I AM MORE than just Tater, Stephie & Mia's mom (although, on most days, that's all consuming) -- but I AM HIS DAUGHTER. And that is INFINITELY more weighty than even the glory that comes with motherhood.

I get the unique opportunity, as a King's daughter, to stand bearing I AM within me.

Just let that sink in.

I AM LIVES WITHIN.

Who are you, doubt, fear, confusion, to seek refuge in a place where I AM makes HIS abode? Two words for you.

NO. VACANCY.

So, as I press my ear to the Father's heart today, I hear His voice...

 "Come to me. It is well.  You are destined for greatness, because I AM great, and I AM within you. You bear My Glory. You are Mine. Walk in Me, today, daughter. In My Presence, your joy is made full. Stay close."

(in) Real Life 2014 - This is PAST DUE for me...

Calling all ladies!! Are you ready to have some fun? 

Me, too... in fact this is WAY OVERDUE. :) 

So, here's the lowdown... A few years back, the ladies over at (in)courage took note that quite often we ladies typically DON'T get together to encourage each other on a personal level, for a host of different reasons. 

While we are so very good at connecting with each other via social media, it's easy to sit behind the computer screen, and be safe to type (rethinking many times what you're going to say, so it sounds just right) and maybe edit those posts, afterward, to be sure that they are "encouraging". 

I don't know about you, but I know that my human soul longs for face to face interaction...  And, I'll go out on a limb here, and say that if you're a living human, then you need community, too. :) We all do. It's how we were built.  

To meet this need, the (in)courage team had a BRILLIANT idea to offer a FREE annual Women's Conference that comes to you! It's called (in) Real Life. When I heard about it, I was all in... because, I mean, what woman doesn't LOVE hanging out with her girlfriends, catching up, and share her life stories? 

I love this idea because EVERYONE HAS A STORY, and we never know if our story will be just what is needed to encourage someone else who is currently walking where we have already been.  

So... with the blessing of the Full Life Women's Ministries, I will be your humble host for the first annual (in) Real Life Women's eConference on Saturday, April 26th @ 4:00 - 6:00pm.  Click here to register & view the agenda and speaker list!

There will be food, giveaways, I have heard about a possible craft that (in)RL is putting together for us to do together, and of course the conference (via webcast on the BIG SCREEN).  Oh, and CHILDCARE (W/SNACKS) WILL BE PROVIDED AT THE CHURCH. 

You may have noticed that the conference is 4/25 & 4/26. The conference IS a two day event, but the Friday session will be available at different times for you to view at home, whenever is the best time for you. So, you can be in your PJ's, eating chocolate, and no one will know! 

I love this... I'm thinking of retreating to my bedroom that evening, and letting daddy have a movie & pizza night with the kiddos in the living room! :) 

God has challenged me with transparency this year, and I'm so looking forward to spending my afternoon with you, getting to know you better & learning who Jesus has been in your life! 

Won't you come? I would love to see you there! 

Why Mutiny can be holy...

Why did it bother me so, when he walked up and said, "Hey Skipper", and rightly so, addressing the title and authority she had been given? How did those words make their way into my ears, and assault my heart?

Then the inward whisper..."You know that means you're NOT the skipper."

Why all of a sudden, am I fighting an onslaught of attacks against a place of ministry (not leadership) where I was invited to stand, even for a moment?

You know God isn't the only one who speaks with a still, small voice. 

My first thoughts were, "I never said I was."

****

For as long as I can remember, there has been this voice, audible or otherwise, that has shoved its way into a front row seat for any place of promotion or blessing in my life.  The voice that screams insults at the glory of God…

Are you sure you're supposed to be here? You know that you'll never BE ANYONE worth listening to, right? You're not holy enough to be here. Who do you think you are? 

Call it the enemy, call it flesh… whomever the intruder might be, this I know… that day, my peace was under attack. And not just that… my place in the Kingdom.

Why the fight against who we are, who God has designed us to be? And is our flesh working in conjunction with the enemy of our soul?  Yes… and yes. Some days I have to remind myself that this walk is a HOLY MUTINY against the forces that wage war against me.

But, the only thing that keeps me going when Goliath taunts, is the truth that place is IN CHRIST. And my God given, and strengthened weapon is the Word. My testimony. Christ in Me, my hope of glory.

It's in these places that I am comforted by the One who promised that He has made an abiding place for me IN HIM.  In Him, I find rest and peace. In Him, I find the invitation to walk alongside. It's Him I desire to follow.

No matter what anyone else tells me is "IN ME", only God knows my makeup, for He alone created me. And He alone has anointed me to be the woman I am. He alone reveals His glory inside with each new day, and if I am washed in the blood of His Son, then He IS PLEASED WITH ME. Period.

So, today, I am thankful that God opens and closes doors that no man (or flesh, or the enemy of souls) can close or open. He alone is in charge of the changing of seasons. And in HIM, I sing:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
And ALL that is within me
Bless His holy name. 


Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death. 

What about you? Has your identity ever been verbally assaulted, and you lived to tell the tale? How have you overcome?




photo stevenolver

The Best Place

 Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed. Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God? Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

John 6:27-29 

Father,
Today, I'm thankful, Lord that You know the Best Place for me. Thank you for showing me that IN You, is the best place I could be, and the best place for me, no matter where else I am in my life.

Whether days are ordinary or glorious, they are all grace to me, and gifts, treasures to be opened. Oh, that I would seize each day, finding joy in even the small, seemingly insignificant moments.

I am thankful that you know what's best for me, and Your best is ALWAYS best.

Even when I question it.

Even when I walk away from You.

Even in the hardest of times.

Even when I stumble, allowing my flesh or sin to get the best of me.

Your best is still present. Even there.

Thank you for helping me see that Your best is not always fun, but IT IS always beautiful. The prodigal son eating pig slop, as he comes to himself… Best. Beautiful. It's not where he wants to be. Where he thinks he should be. But, it's BEST. And it brings redemption.

Thank you for the hard best places. The valley where death casts it's shadow. Where death is present. Even there is beautiful. And one of your best places. Because You promise that you will lead me into paths of righteousness for the sake of Your Name in me. To polish the the seal in my forehead. To make me look like you.


Even in the hard places, Make my feet like the feet of a deer. Enable and empower me to stand on the high places. The hard places.

Help me always to see the BEAUTIFUL & BEST.

Amen.

{photo credit}

Grace For Today...

Matthew 25:29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 

Psalm 31:2 Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe.

Proverbs 8:22 "The Lord formed me (wisdom) from the beginning, before he created anything else." - Italics added for clarity

It's been one of those weeks. Ya know, when, you feel completely overwhelmed? Yesterday's post by Ann Voskamp was like chocolate for the soul. Most of her posts resonate so clearly within me. I am thankful for her insight. If you ever get a chance, stop by her blog at www.aholyexperience.com, and read along. Jesus Wisdom spills forth in every post.

Yesterday's encouragement were thoughts on "How to get through what's burying you." And the answer was simple. Grace. God's grace heaped upon grace is the only thing that sustains our mounting heaps of whatever may weigh us down. 

For me, this week, was planning what turned out to be an uneventful trip to Birmingham, for Stephanie. Add to that the laundry list of chores (including laundry, ironically), and "Oh, you forgot to blog", and don't forget that there are three other doctor's appointments  this week, and "we really need more milk?", and the list goes on and on.

But, something she said really resonated within me. She was using  this amazing snow artist for an example, (Simon Beck - if you haven't seen his work, check it out, it's AMAZING) and how he doesn't care that all of his effort will be blown away by the next gust of wind. That he understands that all of his effort is just for the moment. But why bother if it could be gone the next day?

And then, profound words…

Because there will more grace given tomorrow.  

For more. Always more coming.   

There will be more meals to cook tomorrow. More dishes, more laundry. You’re going to have pick up coats and boots and papers and books all over again tomorrow. You can still make art with everyday fallen grace. You can still create art knowing it’ll be gone the very next day.   

Because there will more grace given tomorrow. To make more. Always more grace coming.  

Grace upon grace. 

When these words hit my heart, it was like God shined a spotlight on my heart. And I see:

• I have a tendency to idolize my daily routine, calling it something that should be respected. Which is really prideful.

• I allow the "laundry list" overwhelm my thoughts, instead of placing it under the rule of my spirit, which is filled everyday with new grace for today, and everything I need to "exist" today on this earth.

• I don't say thank you for the seemingly little things, and allow Father's joy and peace to flood my day. Which is why I'm learning to count gifts..

Believe it or not, confessing our faults can be liberating. God knows that, which is why he said to do it.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Who knew releasing today (and each day) into the hands of a loving Father would be so hard? But, that's where I am. Wow.

The truth is, there are only 24 hours in a day. And how I spend that 24 hours can be viewed in 2 ways:

•  I can turn the hourglass upside down, counting the hours until the day is complete, whizzing by all of the beauty woven into it.

OR

• I can see the hourglass as it is. As Father has designed it to be. 24 hours of grace. Grace for today, and anything that comes with today, there's grace.

So, who cares if there will be another day of craziness tomorrow. Today, I will choose to wear "grace upon grace". Today's grace is all that matters, and it's more than enough for me.

Outside the Lines

This morning proved to be interesting. I was in the kitchen, working on a batch of yummy grain & nut pancakes, when I heard my husband call out to my son, "What are you doing?" I assure you, those are NOT words any mamma wants to hear at 9:30 in the morning. I'm glad I took a sec to gather myself before I rounded the corner, because I wasn't prepared to see the masterpiece my son had created.

 It's not like we haven't provided him with a space to freely express his creativity, and with many different mediums. And I must say, for a 4 year old, he's become a little artist, who is quite skilled in his creations. *proud mamma* However, I guess, something in his little mind decided that it was time to expand his repertoire to include carpet art. Yep. Crayon. Meet Carpet.

Had I thought to take a picture of it before I scrubbed it up, (because who wants a rainbow in crayon in the middle of their floor), I could have shown you the detail and intention  that he had put into this creation. I must confess that, afterward, I felt kind of bad for disciplining him for inappropriate coloring.  Wow... inappropriate coloring. 

This is a place of struggle for me, lately.  I've surrendered my Tater to the Lord on several occasions, asking Him to please fix the MANY mistakes I've made (already) in the parenting of my son. He is, without a doubt, a strong willed child. And, while I want to ensure that He learns to obey (especially the Lord), I don't want to break His spirit, and cause him to be afraid to stand up for himself when the opportunity presents itself. And in this age, that's a certainty.

So, where's the line? When did coloring outside of the lines become a bad thing?. Even in preschool, learning rudimentary skills include tracing and coloring pages. And while every mom wants their children to learn to read and write, I can't help wondering why technique must be learned at the expense of creativity. I just don't want my son's voice to be stifled. He was built to create. To wonder.  

How do I know? Because we all were. And, he has my genes in him. I remember my mother telling me the story about a stubborn little girl who just had to find out what Kool-aid would look like if it were mixed into carpet. Yep.  It seems  that as a budding artist, I had a passion for carpet art as well. Apparently, my son is more like me than I thought.

So, today I am thanking the Lord for reproducing passion and courage to color outside of the lines within my children, and the reminding me that He IS able to do exceedingly abundantly above all I can ask or think , according to the power that works in me.  ~ Ephesians 3:20

All I have to do is pick up my crayon. 

When I get where I'm going...

"Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil."  

Proverbs 4:24-27

I have been guilty of wresting your Word, Lord. And I don't want to anymore. I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be pleasing to you.

Help me to see that you have ordered my path, and find never ending joy as I discover the things that you have planned for me in the walking out of this path that is life. 

When I committed to this writing journey, my intention wasn't to be funny, or to tell a story, or even to present an "image of myself" that others could admire. It was to intentionally tear down the walls I build around myself on a daily basis. To choose not to be an island. To live in community. To share Joy.

Why? Because you created community. And on the paths you've ordained for me, I NEVER walk alone. Even, when I feel like it's just me, there's always You. You never leave. I'm thankful for that.

So, today I'm pondering the paths of my feet, wondering why it has taken me so long to to admit that it's okay to be loud, and evangelistic, and unwavering. Qualities that make up who I am as a person. But, there are times when even loud people need to find quiet, when even the passionately persuasive need to listen to another perspective, and when the unwavering need the ability to be flexible.

The paths of my feet are ordered by You, and You delight in my way. You delight in the steps you've planned for me. Even the hard places. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. even in this place, You help me remember that, though death is present, it's Your light that casts a shadow, and who ever said that death in the light of Your presence was a bad thing? After all, if any man would see Your face, he must die. 

So let me die... as I walk with You, the Shepherd of my Soul, let me die to the earthly bonds that seek to be my counselors. Let me hear only Your voice saying, "This is the way, Walk in it." I am the Way. Walk in Me. 

So, today I remember. I walk with you... in You.