Everything I know I learned in Kindergarten...

So… on September 1st, this mommy ventured into the world of "homeschool". And boy, was it rough. I’m thankful that my Kindergartner is gracious, and didn't see right through my nerves. No one ever told me how much grit it takes to homeschool. You REALLY DO have to be organized.

I thought I was organized. I. WAS. NOT.

So, we kind flew by the seat of our pants on day one, and then that night, I sat down to learn from the mommies world over, who were MUCH more experienced that me. What did I find? LOTS of planning sheets.  :)

Seems someone has been where I am before. It’s almost like I can see their footprints in the sand ahead of me as I step into the unknown. But, even more so, I saw the footprints of the Lord ahead of me, and I was even more thankful. I bet you’re wondering why I brought up the Lord’s footprints, huh? Let me explain.

It seems that God has graced us with a wonder-filled, very intelligent, and inquisitive person, in the body of my Big Man Tater. He has many questions, and is always trying to "figure out" the world around him. I can see him trying to make sense of it all. Some days I’m amazed by it, and on others, totally annoyed. That’s just honesty, folks.

So, enter Day One of Homeschool Math, which I have been told, tends to be a more difficult subject for most. And with much advise and instruction, I set on teaching math first – ALWAYS DO THE HARD STUFF FIRST. So, we open to Lesson One in our book, and he breezes right through it, and looks at me like, "this is math? Where's the hard stuff?"

And, right there, on DAY ONE of homeschool, not even 10 minutes into our journey, I am faced with a HUGE decision. Do I let him advance to lessons that are challenging for him, to keep his  attention? Or do I stick to the plan, already laid out for me, and walk through each day as it is written, whether or not he already comprehends the material?

I never thought I would experience such a range of emotions on DAY ONE of homeschool. But, mostly… FEAR in the form of those nagging questions… "what if he loses interest in math, and we never get it back?", "Will be a bad mother if I withhold him from walking too quickly ahead, when another place is prescribed for him at this point?” I wish I could say I had an easy answer immediately. But, it took a couple days of deliberation, and a conversation with my best friend before I saw the footprints of the Father's heart, and that He had already been here, with an answer.

Here I was fussing with myself, and hearing my friend’s, but not really listening. to “what”was being said. And then, I heard the words of another Counselor, spoken quietly to my heart. Slow IS NOT bad. Build the man. Mastery over familiarity. And then this beautiful picture of  a Father and His child, walking together took shape in my heart's eye.

I could see the heart of a Father, who was walking with his child, and would gently correct the child who was intent on walking ahead of Him, instead of by His side. The Father knew that though the child was ABLE to go ahead, but He had more in mind for this walk, and wanted the child to experience the beauty of his surroundings.

Then James 1:4 found it’s way into my heart. "Let patience have it’s perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” And there... I sobbed. I stopped what I was doing, and sobbed. And I heard Father’s heart for me, and you, and every child He has made…

"Going SLOW is for you. It’s meant to build you. It’s meant for your good. Don’t try to run ahead, just because you can. Stay close by My side, and you’ll see and experience every good thing as we walk together. Don’t let the enemy tell you that we’re walking slowly because you can’t run. You certainly can. But, I would rather you be complete, and mature, lacking no good thing, than fast and familiar. Learn of me."


So, my prayer for us today, and everyday, is that we stick to the prescribed plan set before us, and not leap ahead of God simply because we have the ability to run. He has indeed gone before us, and is now walking along side us. And if we’ll go slow with HIM, then we’ll experience His glory and grace in the moments as we pass them by.

The Trouble with Looking Back

Now the Lord had said to Abram:

"Get out of your country, 

From Your family, 

And from your Father's house, 

To a land I will show you.

I will make you a great nation;

I will bless you

And make your name great;

And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you, 

And I will curse those you curse you;

And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed."

These days I've been looking back a lot. I've been thinking on the past. Who would ever think that a season of life could become a crutch? But, He said it there to me at the sink, in the midst of the messy everyday, hands covered in soapy grace, "You can NEVER be who you ARE, if you cling to who you WERE."

Side Note: It's hilarious that my most profound thoughts happen at the sink… I guess it's my homemade version of the brazen laver, except mine's stainless steel, and crusty with food.. But God can speak whenever or wherever He wants to… *wink* No the matter, I'm listening, Lord.

Where was I?? Oh yeah, the words that dropped in me like a pebble, but that created quite a ripple in my spirit.

Simple instruction to just let go of the past, and not look back. That 's proving to be harder than it sounds. I'm learning that it's only in the uncomfortable place of now, that  you long for comfort of then. They say hindsight is 20/20. Man, are they right. Who wouldn't want to look back on the places they've been and marvel?

But, who knew that it would be so difficult to not "cling to" the person I was, in all of her glory, in the remembering? Littered with moments of greatness revealed, and many places of wonder, filled with the thrill of adventure and unknown. I remember the feeling of anticipation that filled my heart many a day… "God's going to do something great in me, I just know it"…

Wow. Good times. Thank you Jesus. But, that was then…

Now, don't get me wrong. It’s not that I think that God's finished with His majestic work in me.  On the contrary, I see a new horizon appearing in front of me, and I am eager to see all that God has in this season. But, it's just that… to see this life and season as the unfolding grace gift that it is, I MUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT. That's why it's called the present, right?

So, the new heart song I'm singing: "God IS doing something great in AND THROUGH me, today."

Three simple words - USE.  ME. LORD. Though, tethered to a heart full of other emotions and thoughts and songs, the foundation is the same.  USE. ME. LORD.

And I believe He IS.

With each day, the Lord is reminding me that I AM MORE than just Tater, Stephie & Mia's mom (although, on most days, that's all consuming) -- but I AM HIS DAUGHTER. And that is INFINITELY more weighty than even the glory that comes with motherhood.

I get the unique opportunity, as a King's daughter, to stand bearing I AM within me.

Just let that sink in.

I AM LIVES WITHIN.

Who are you, doubt, fear, confusion, to seek refuge in a place where I AM makes HIS abode? Two words for you.

NO. VACANCY.

So, as I press my ear to the Father's heart today, I hear His voice...

 "Come to me. It is well.  You are destined for greatness, because I AM great, and I AM within you. You bear My Glory. You are Mine. Walk in Me, today, daughter. In My Presence, your joy is made full. Stay close."

Why Mutiny can be holy...

Why did it bother me so, when he walked up and said, "Hey Skipper", and rightly so, addressing the title and authority she had been given? How did those words make their way into my ears, and assault my heart?

Then the inward whisper..."You know that means you're NOT the skipper."

Why all of a sudden, am I fighting an onslaught of attacks against a place of ministry (not leadership) where I was invited to stand, even for a moment?

You know God isn't the only one who speaks with a still, small voice. 

My first thoughts were, "I never said I was."

****

For as long as I can remember, there has been this voice, audible or otherwise, that has shoved its way into a front row seat for any place of promotion or blessing in my life.  The voice that screams insults at the glory of God…

Are you sure you're supposed to be here? You know that you'll never BE ANYONE worth listening to, right? You're not holy enough to be here. Who do you think you are? 

Call it the enemy, call it flesh… whomever the intruder might be, this I know… that day, my peace was under attack. And not just that… my place in the Kingdom.

Why the fight against who we are, who God has designed us to be? And is our flesh working in conjunction with the enemy of our soul?  Yes… and yes. Some days I have to remind myself that this walk is a HOLY MUTINY against the forces that wage war against me.

But, the only thing that keeps me going when Goliath taunts, is the truth that place is IN CHRIST. And my God given, and strengthened weapon is the Word. My testimony. Christ in Me, my hope of glory.

It's in these places that I am comforted by the One who promised that He has made an abiding place for me IN HIM.  In Him, I find rest and peace. In Him, I find the invitation to walk alongside. It's Him I desire to follow.

No matter what anyone else tells me is "IN ME", only God knows my makeup, for He alone created me. And He alone has anointed me to be the woman I am. He alone reveals His glory inside with each new day, and if I am washed in the blood of His Son, then He IS PLEASED WITH ME. Period.

So, today, I am thankful that God opens and closes doors that no man (or flesh, or the enemy of souls) can close or open. He alone is in charge of the changing of seasons. And in HIM, I sing:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
And ALL that is within me
Bless His holy name. 


Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death. 

What about you? Has your identity ever been verbally assaulted, and you lived to tell the tale? How have you overcome?




photo stevenolver

A New Kind of Lightning Storm

I was awakened, at just after 1 AM, to a storm that I was sure would rip the top off of my roof, exposing my family and I to all the elements that raged outside. I got up and checked the children's rooms to ensure that they were still sleeping soundly, and safely. And, indeed… it was JUST ME who had been awakened by this storm.

Pop and flash after pop and flash of lightning. Boom after boom of thunder, and a wind that roared with ferocity… such elements can bring the fear of God into a soul. I found myself seeking cover for my family… cover from the noise, protection from whatever destruction loomed at my doorstep, seeking to bring my family harm.

I remembered the Word I had digested the day prior. A familiar story about when Jesus calms the storm, and brings a great calm. The great calm has always stuck out to me. So, I uttered a simple prayer, reminding God that He was able to still any storm with just a Word, and calm the winds with His voice. I also asked to be under the protection of His wing.

Then as I listened, the storm began to dwindle. Within minutes, the lightning had subsided, and the booming thunder was no more. "Whew… that was crazy. Thank you for peace, Jesus." Then, I retreated back to my bed to get some rest.

At 5:30 AM, my phone serenaded me, and the first thoughts on my mind were concerning that storm, and how I was the only one who heard it. The one who experienced it. Everyone else just slept through it. And I knew that I wanted to tell you that I now understood what the disciples felt like when the nasty storm arose, while they were on their way with Jesus to the other side. But, the story really speaks for itself, and I didn't feel like I had much to say other than, "Jesus can still calm ANY storm, no matter the ferocity. The winds STILL obey His voice…"

****

And I thought that would be it for today, my little nugget of truth for those who walk with me along this crazy, epic journey of grace. So, I jumped over to the IHOPKC PrayerRoom for a bit of worship. When I checked in, they were beginning an intercession segment, specifically for the young people in their community, and the prayer leader at the mic announced that they would be entering a time of "rapid-fire prayer".  Immediately my mind went back to that storm.

Let's revisit, how the storm awoke me. Boom after boom of thunder, and flash after flash of lightning.  And as I meditated on that, I remembered a teaching I recently heard on God's ministers being a flame of fire, and how the words "flame of fire" actually meant "flash of lightning." Hebrews 1:7 Wow.

And it got me thinking…  what if all it took to awaken our lethargic culture were a God-sized "prayer storm"?  A flash after flash, boom after boom encounter with the King of the Universe and His ministers? And, what does it really look like in the supernatural realm when God's children assemble to pray for such a thing? Definitely something to consider when the enemy of souls approaches daily in the ear, demeaning your purpose and minimizing your place in the Kingdom of God. So, again, I utter a simple prayer. Even simple prayers can prove quite "electric." Would you pray this simple prayer with me?

Father,

Flood the eyes of my heart with light, 

so that I can know and understand the hope 

to which You have called me, 

and how rich is Your glorious inheritance 

in the saints (His set-apart ones), 

And what is the immeasurable and unlimited 

and surpassing greatness of Your power

 in and for us who believe, as demonstrated 

in the working of Your mighty strength, 

which You exerted in Christ 

when You raised Him from the dead 

and seated Him at Your own right hand 

in the heavenly places,

Amen

Ephesians 1:18-20

Repeat. After. Me. I AM A FLASH OF LIGHTNING. Oh, Father, let the supernatural lightning storm begin.