The Trouble with Looking Back

Now the Lord had said to Abram:

"Get out of your country, 

From Your family, 

And from your Father's house, 

To a land I will show you.

I will make you a great nation;

I will bless you

And make your name great;

And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you, 

And I will curse those you curse you;

And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed."

These days I've been looking back a lot. I've been thinking on the past. Who would ever think that a season of life could become a crutch? But, He said it there to me at the sink, in the midst of the messy everyday, hands covered in soapy grace, "You can NEVER be who you ARE, if you cling to who you WERE."

Side Note: It's hilarious that my most profound thoughts happen at the sink… I guess it's my homemade version of the brazen laver, except mine's stainless steel, and crusty with food.. But God can speak whenever or wherever He wants to… *wink* No the matter, I'm listening, Lord.

Where was I?? Oh yeah, the words that dropped in me like a pebble, but that created quite a ripple in my spirit.

Simple instruction to just let go of the past, and not look back. That 's proving to be harder than it sounds. I'm learning that it's only in the uncomfortable place of now, that  you long for comfort of then. They say hindsight is 20/20. Man, are they right. Who wouldn't want to look back on the places they've been and marvel?

But, who knew that it would be so difficult to not "cling to" the person I was, in all of her glory, in the remembering? Littered with moments of greatness revealed, and many places of wonder, filled with the thrill of adventure and unknown. I remember the feeling of anticipation that filled my heart many a day… "God's going to do something great in me, I just know it"…

Wow. Good times. Thank you Jesus. But, that was then…

Now, don't get me wrong. It’s not that I think that God's finished with His majestic work in me.  On the contrary, I see a new horizon appearing in front of me, and I am eager to see all that God has in this season. But, it's just that… to see this life and season as the unfolding grace gift that it is, I MUST LIVE IN THE PRESENT. That's why it's called the present, right?

So, the new heart song I'm singing: "God IS doing something great in AND THROUGH me, today."

Three simple words - USE.  ME. LORD. Though, tethered to a heart full of other emotions and thoughts and songs, the foundation is the same.  USE. ME. LORD.

And I believe He IS.

With each day, the Lord is reminding me that I AM MORE than just Tater, Stephie & Mia's mom (although, on most days, that's all consuming) -- but I AM HIS DAUGHTER. And that is INFINITELY more weighty than even the glory that comes with motherhood.

I get the unique opportunity, as a King's daughter, to stand bearing I AM within me.

Just let that sink in.

I AM LIVES WITHIN.

Who are you, doubt, fear, confusion, to seek refuge in a place where I AM makes HIS abode? Two words for you.

NO. VACANCY.

So, as I press my ear to the Father's heart today, I hear His voice...

 "Come to me. It is well.  You are destined for greatness, because I AM great, and I AM within you. You bear My Glory. You are Mine. Walk in Me, today, daughter. In My Presence, your joy is made full. Stay close."

Why Mutiny can be holy...

Why did it bother me so, when he walked up and said, "Hey Skipper", and rightly so, addressing the title and authority she had been given? How did those words make their way into my ears, and assault my heart?

Then the inward whisper..."You know that means you're NOT the skipper."

Why all of a sudden, am I fighting an onslaught of attacks against a place of ministry (not leadership) where I was invited to stand, even for a moment?

You know God isn't the only one who speaks with a still, small voice. 

My first thoughts were, "I never said I was."

****

For as long as I can remember, there has been this voice, audible or otherwise, that has shoved its way into a front row seat for any place of promotion or blessing in my life.  The voice that screams insults at the glory of God…

Are you sure you're supposed to be here? You know that you'll never BE ANYONE worth listening to, right? You're not holy enough to be here. Who do you think you are? 

Call it the enemy, call it flesh… whomever the intruder might be, this I know… that day, my peace was under attack. And not just that… my place in the Kingdom.

Why the fight against who we are, who God has designed us to be? And is our flesh working in conjunction with the enemy of our soul?  Yes… and yes. Some days I have to remind myself that this walk is a HOLY MUTINY against the forces that wage war against me.

But, the only thing that keeps me going when Goliath taunts, is the truth that place is IN CHRIST. And my God given, and strengthened weapon is the Word. My testimony. Christ in Me, my hope of glory.

It's in these places that I am comforted by the One who promised that He has made an abiding place for me IN HIM.  In Him, I find rest and peace. In Him, I find the invitation to walk alongside. It's Him I desire to follow.

No matter what anyone else tells me is "IN ME", only God knows my makeup, for He alone created me. And He alone has anointed me to be the woman I am. He alone reveals His glory inside with each new day, and if I am washed in the blood of His Son, then He IS PLEASED WITH ME. Period.

So, today, I am thankful that God opens and closes doors that no man (or flesh, or the enemy of souls) can close or open. He alone is in charge of the changing of seasons. And in HIM, I sing:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
And ALL that is within me
Bless His holy name. 


Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death. 

What about you? Has your identity ever been verbally assaulted, and you lived to tell the tale? How have you overcome?




photo stevenolver

Wisdom Has A Voice

She's standing in all the right places, right where she can get to us. She wants to be sure we can hear her. She positions herself on the hilltops. She walks alongside us as we traverse this life. She takes her stand at the many crossroads we encounter. Makes her home by the gates which lead into anywhere our feet could carry us, and she cries aloud...  Listen close. Can you hear her?

“I call to you, to all of you! I raise my voice to all people.

You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding.

Listen to me! 

For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth

and detest every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome.

There is nothing devious or crooked in it.

My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge.

Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold.

For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it.

“I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.

All who fear the Lord will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance,

corruption and perverse speech. 

Common sense and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine.

Because of me, kings reign, and rulers make just decrees.

Rulers lead with my help, and nobles make righteous judgments.

“I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me.

I have riches and honor, as well as enduring wealth and justice.

My gifts are better than gold, even the purest gold, my wages better than sterling silver!

I walk in righteousness, in paths of justice. Those who love me inherit wealth. I will fill their treasuries.

“The Lord formed me from the beginning, before he created anything else.

I was appointed in ages past,  at the very first, before the earth began.

I was born before the oceans were created, before the springs bubbled forth their waters.

Before the mountains were formed, before the hills, I was born—

before he had made the earth and fields and the first handfuls of soil.

I was there when he established the heavens, when he drew the horizon on the oceans.

I was there when he set the clouds above, when he established springs deep in the earth.

I was there when he set the limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries.

And when he marked off the earth’s foundations, I was the architect at his side.

I was his constant delight, rejoicing always in his presence.

And how happy I was with the world he created; how I rejoiced with the human family!

“And so, my children, listen to me, for all who follow my ways are joyful.

Listen to my instruction and be wise. Don’t ignore it.

Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, 

waiting for me outside my home! 

For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.

But those who miss me injure themselves. 

All who hate me love death.”

Proverbs 8:4-36

This year, I am challenging myself to a daily portion of bread and wine. Hopefully, in the next few days, I will be able to expound a little more on what I mean. For now, I'll just give a quick plug to the "Bible In A Year" reading plan on www.bible.com Their free smartphone app is the most popular, which I have also, but I prefer to use their online version, so I can have my bible (the BOOK... LOL - it's hilarious that I need to clarify) close by for study. All in all, it's a pretty handy tool. And, this chick loves her tools.

Outside the Lines

This morning proved to be interesting. I was in the kitchen, working on a batch of yummy grain & nut pancakes, when I heard my husband call out to my son, "What are you doing?" I assure you, those are NOT words any mamma wants to hear at 9:30 in the morning. I'm glad I took a sec to gather myself before I rounded the corner, because I wasn't prepared to see the masterpiece my son had created.

 It's not like we haven't provided him with a space to freely express his creativity, and with many different mediums. And I must say, for a 4 year old, he's become a little artist, who is quite skilled in his creations. *proud mamma* However, I guess, something in his little mind decided that it was time to expand his repertoire to include carpet art. Yep. Crayon. Meet Carpet.

Had I thought to take a picture of it before I scrubbed it up, (because who wants a rainbow in crayon in the middle of their floor), I could have shown you the detail and intention  that he had put into this creation. I must confess that, afterward, I felt kind of bad for disciplining him for inappropriate coloring.  Wow... inappropriate coloring. 

This is a place of struggle for me, lately.  I've surrendered my Tater to the Lord on several occasions, asking Him to please fix the MANY mistakes I've made (already) in the parenting of my son. He is, without a doubt, a strong willed child. And, while I want to ensure that He learns to obey (especially the Lord), I don't want to break His spirit, and cause him to be afraid to stand up for himself when the opportunity presents itself. And in this age, that's a certainty.

So, where's the line? When did coloring outside of the lines become a bad thing?. Even in preschool, learning rudimentary skills include tracing and coloring pages. And while every mom wants their children to learn to read and write, I can't help wondering why technique must be learned at the expense of creativity. I just don't want my son's voice to be stifled. He was built to create. To wonder.  

How do I know? Because we all were. And, he has my genes in him. I remember my mother telling me the story about a stubborn little girl who just had to find out what Kool-aid would look like if it were mixed into carpet. Yep.  It seems  that as a budding artist, I had a passion for carpet art as well. Apparently, my son is more like me than I thought.

So, today I am thanking the Lord for reproducing passion and courage to color outside of the lines within my children, and the reminding me that He IS able to do exceedingly abundantly above all I can ask or think , according to the power that works in me.  ~ Ephesians 3:20

All I have to do is pick up my crayon. 

Why Tempered?

I remember the day that the prayer flowed over my lips, during a morning worship service... "Temper Me, Lord. Temper Me." What exactly was I asking for?

Have you ever done that? Let a prayer escape only to leave you in wonder? I know I have... many times before, and this would be no different. I knew the moment I heard my voice utter those words, that a season of tempering would be on it's way soon enough.

I looked it up today. It seems that "tempering" is a process used to toughen up metal after it's hardened. I looked up the difference, and toughness speaks to the metal's ability to absorb energy, change shape, without fracturing. It increases the metal's malleability and decreases brittleness. I don't have to be a metallurgy expert to see the spiritual implications in that.

You see, I ran into this blog several months ago, and it seemed as though that momma of six was speaking right to me, that EVERY blog was for me. You see, she spends her life for her children, and pours out the heart of God, teaching all who will listen the art of giving thanks. Ah, the thankful life... eucharisteo.

Since then, the challenge to live thankful has stayed with me, as I attempted to begin counting the gifts of grace I found in everyday life, in what would otherwise seem mundane. And, while I cannot say that it has made me perfect, (not even close...) I can say that it has given me confidence concerning my Father, and the courage to live slowly in this very fast paced world. To quote her, "Life IS NOT an Emergency. It's a GIFT."

So... this year, I have set out to count 1,000 gifts, (I am only one of MANY MANY individuals who have joined in the thankful chorus) and it is my hope that any who read will be encouraged by the words and treasures I share within these pages.